KB18 - The Friday 4 - Seeking Rejection

Jun 09, 2023

Read Time: 5 Minutes

Today's issue is sponsored by Discipline Clothing

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#1 - The Cobra Effect

The 'Cobra Effect' is a term coined from a rather peculiar event in colonial India...

The British government was concerned by the number of venomous cobras in Delhi. So, they devised a cunning plan - a bounty was offered for every dead cobra.

A straightforward solution, right?

Here's where things get interesting...

People seeing an opportunity to make a few quid started breeding cobras.

When the government cottoned on to this, they scrapped the bounty programme.

Then what happened?

All these now-worthless cobras were released, resulting in an even higher cobra population than before.

Brilliant, eh?

The 'Cobra Effect' thus refers to a situation where attempted solutions worsen the problem they were intended to solve.

In our quest to become better versions of ourselves, we often hatch our own cobra breeding schemes.

We get stuck in behaviours that might seem beneficial in the short run but can potentially wreak havoc in the long run.

You want to be the best in your field, so you work 16-hour days, seven days a week.

That's dedication, right?

But then you're wrecking your health, alienating your friends and family, and one day, you realise you're less happy than when you started.

Or perhaps you've resolved to read more, so you pile up stacks of books, enthusiastically subscribing to every 'book of the month club you find. But soon, you find yourself overwhelmed, the joy of reading replaced by stress.

The trick lies in balance and constant reassessment. Regularly check in with your goals and strategies.

Are they still serving you, or are they breeding metaphorical cobras?

Personal development is not a 'set it and forget it' kind of deal. It requires tweaking, adjusting, and sometimes completely scrapping plans.

Don't be afraid to change your approach if something isn't working.

It's better to have a handful of strategies that work than a sack full of cobras waiting to bite.


#2 - Seeking Rejection

Let's chat about a concept that might initially seem a tad counterintuitive,

actively seeking rejection.

Purposefully putting ourselves in the firing line of the big, bad 'No'. Sounds mental, doesn't it?

But this could very well be the game-changer you need.

In our journey through life, we often tiptoe around the potential for rejection like it's a dozing pitbull.

We don't ask for what we want because we fear hearing that dreaded two-letter word.

But here's a truth bomb for you: rejection isn't as ghastly as you think.

Embracing rejection, actively seeking it even, allows us to become better at dealing with it.

It's like building muscle. Every 'No' is another rep that strengthens our resilience and confidence.

The sting of rejection becomes less intense, and we realise that each 'No' is not a personal attack on us but a step closer to a 'Yes'.

And here's another gem: "Don't ask, don't get".

The more you ask, the more likely you are to receive.

It seems simple, right? Well, that's because it is!

This isn't just about increasing your odds; it's also about learning from each rejection, tweaking your approach, and coming back stronger.

So, how do we start seeking rejection daily?

Let me give you a nifty little practice to try:

Next time you buy a coffee, ask for a 10% discount.

Worst case scenario, you get a 'No' and pay the normal price.

Best case, you get a cheeky discount.

Either way, you flex that rejection-handling muscle.

Remember, the goal isn't necessarily to get a 'Yes' but to become comfortable with the possibility of a 'No'.

As the fear of rejection lessens, you'll find yourself taking more chances, asking for more, and ultimately, getting more.


#3 - What to give your kids

This week, I came across a fantastic quote I wanted to discuss in this newsletter...

"Instead of giving your kids what you wish you had, teach them things you wish you knew"

As parents, we often fall into the trap of showering our children with all the material we lacked growing up.

It's natural, right?

We want to give our kids the best, make their lives easier, and ensure they want for nothing.

But in this quest, we sometimes forget that the most valuable things we can provide aren't material but lessons, experiences, and wisdom.

That flashy toy, the latest gadget or designer gear, is nice, no doubt, but they're short-lived.

They won't prepare your child for life's challenges or equip them with the skills to handle the world's complexities.

So rather than focusing on filling their rooms with stuff, focus on filling their minds with knowledge.

What do you wish you'd known growing up?

Maybe it's how to manage finances, communicate effectively, show empathy or the importance of self-care.

Perhaps it's understanding that failure isn't the end but a stepping stone to success or that it's okay to go against the grain and follow your passion.

By teaching these valuable lessons, you're giving your kids an edge.

They'll navigate life with a wisdom and understanding that'll serve them far better than the latest iPhone ever could.

You're not just raising children; you're raising future adults.

Give them what they truly need - lessons you wish you knew.


#4 - The Misogi Challenge

Let's dive into something a bit out of the ordinary – a Japanese practice known as the "Misogi Challenge".

Misogi is a purification ritual where folks plunge into icy waters to cleanse their spirits.

But in recent years, it's been redefined into a once-a-year, Herculean task that pushes you beyond your perceived limitations.

The modern Misogi Challenge is no picnic.

It's not about taking a cold shower or skipping your morning brew.

We're talking about climbing a towering mountain, running an ultra-marathon, and learning a new language in record time.

The goal isn't necessarily success; it's about pushing yourself so far out of your comfort zone you can't even see it in the rear-view mirror.

Before you panic, remember that the Misogi Challenge is a metaphorical practice adaptable to individual circumstances.

You don't have to swim with sharks or traverse the Sahara.

It's about setting a nearly impossible goal and giving it a whirl anyway.

But why, you may ask, should we subject ourselves to such a challenge?

The answer is growth!

One of my biggest Misogi Challenges to date! Box Jumping The Height of Mount Everest in 22 hours 18 mins 38 sec and setting a brand new Guinness World Record


By pushing your limits, you reshape your understanding of what's possible.

Even if you don't achieve the set goal, you will have leapt far beyond where you started, which is progress.

So? how can we apply this to our lives?

Start by thinking about a challenge that genuinely scares you.

It should be something that stretches you but is still within the realm of possibility.

Be it professional, personal, physical, or mental, the key is it needs to push your boundaries.

Next, prepare. Dive into research, create a plan, and brace yourself for the ride.

It's going to be tough, and that's the point.

Remember, it's not about succeeding but pushing yourself and seeing how far you can go.

Lastly, don't forget to reflect. Whether you achieve the goal or not, look back on the journey.

What did you learn?

How have you grown?

What can you do better next time?

By incorporating the Misogi Challenge into our lives, we break free from our self-imposed limitations and dare to dream bigger, aim higher, and achieve more.

It's tough, it's challenging, but boy, is it worth it!



๐Ÿ‘‰ Usually, what seems like a quick win can have disastrous results. Always look for long-term solutions.

๐Ÿ‘‰ The more you get rejected, the quicker you realise it's not that bad. Don't ask, don't get.

๐Ÿ‘‰  Think about what you wish you knew when you were younger and teach it to your children

๐Ÿ‘‰ Do something once a year that pushes the boundaries of what you think you're capable of. You'll be surprised how much you grow.


I hope you enjoyed this week's Friday Four; see you next Friday for another instalment.


Jay Alderton

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